Who are you NOT to love yourself?

August 29, 2019

Do you ever stumble across beautiful souls & think...how have we never met before?!  

That feeling of..."Our paths must have crossed so many times in the past?...

yet somehow we have only just met?!" 

Well, this explains exactly my meeting with the beauty I am about to introduce to you.  

I now know exactly, the purpose of our divine meeting & the synchronicity that has played it's part for us to finally meet at this time.  

Let's just say, I am blessed to have finally met you

& I am honoured to have you feature in this months' guest blog. 

It is with great pleasure to introduce to you, my friend & Reiki Master...

 

Gemma Bennett

 

 

 

Let’s understand this.

The most important relationship in your whole journey of life, is the one you have with yourself.

If you seek to live a life of joy, balance and with soulful purpose, this relationship must be nurtured and cultivated from love. 
 

You are a miracle of life, no exceptions!
 

You only have to look at the probabilities of conception and universal laws surrounding our existence to see how this is scientifically true. How amazing, your creation was literally a miracle!

 

So… who are you not to grab that gift of life, including your ‘you-nique–ness’ with both hands and live your life as you?!! 

Fired up?

I hope so.

 

But then comes the how?

How do I get to that place of unconditional love with myself?

Especially if like so many of your learnt programming and thought patterns lead you to berate yourself with unfair judgement at the slightest faux par. Where you’ve not yet learnt to extend the same compassion and forgiveness to yourself as you would a dear friend of family member. Or maybe you’re stuck in the trap of adaption. Fitting in. changing yourself to be palatable, pleasing or accepted. 

 

Well, I have something to bring to the light here.

You are everything you need to be already.

 

We aren’t complete, oh no, we’ll grow and learn and grow and learn, hopefully for many years yet.

But what if you could accept yourself exactly as you are, today?

Accept the journey that got you here. Accept what you’ve learnt and what you’re yet to learn and love and accept all your gifts and quirks. 

As perfect.

Yes PERFECT.

 

When I say I perfect release ideas of ‘better than’ and conceited comparison and hear instead perfect in my own light. In my unique self.I believe authenticity is absolutely key to wholehearted living, wholehearted loving and wholehearted learning.

In order to LOVE and accept yourself you must know yourself.

It’s important to really hone in on what makes you…you. 

 

Within my work as a therapist and in my well being workshops I offer a very interesting exercise on finding your SOUL values. Often referred to a Core values, but I felt more aligned with ‘soul’.

That's what it’s all about, getting to know yourself at a soul level. It’s really insightful.

I was personally surprised at what I discovered about myself when I looked closer at my Soul values.  The information liberated me though, in a way I couldn’t have imagined. 

Here’s the thing. Once you know your Soul values, life becomes much less of a blind expedition and more a compelling adventure. Because Soul values, once identified, act as a compass in life.  We all have many values we hold dear. Things we decide are important values in ourselves and others. These can change over time as we go through life and evolve. Our needs change. Corporations usually have a set of values they adhere to and ask their teams to acknowledge.  However, Soul values are a bit different.

 

We each have 3-5 ‘SOUL’ values

 

These don’t change.

They are the deep set core of us.

They aren’t there through conditioning or experience they are just WHO WE ARE.

When we become aware of these SOUL VALUES we can use them to our advantage within our decision making. If we work within our soul values and act in accordance to them we are in line with ourselves.

In all honesty that’s all we ever need to be - in line with ourselves.  We are therefore powerfully choosing from a place of acceptance.

When we make choices that don’t align with that deep set place of authenticity and personal value from within, we feel resistant.  It’s like we are only powerful when our choices are grounded and rooted from the deepest part of who we are, our soul values.

We have an innate discontent with working outside of our ‘soul values’. 

This discontent shows up in all sorts of ways, jealousy, fear, guilt, shame for example. Often subtly until we are fully aware of what is going on within. Leading to disruptive patterns of behaviour and habits.

All because we didn’t show ourselves enough respect, acceptance and self love to align with ourselves.  What is also great and conducive to self-acceptance within this discovery, is that we all have our own unique set of ‘soul’ values. Although we may share 1 or 2 with another person, it’ll be rare to find we have the exact same combination as someone else. Thus, releasing the need to compare. There is literally no right or wrong here, they just are!

 

We are all individual (I am reminded of the Monty Python sketch here whenever I write this, but regardless, we are) individual biologically and individual regarding our soul compass.

This in itself let's you and others off the proverbial ‘hook’ by recognising we are all coming from a different internal place with a different guidance system leading the way.

So it’s ok if we have different opinions and make differing choices to one another. 

 

We are still enough just as we are 

 

‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ – Theodore Roosevelt

 

Judgement is natural, it’s instinctual and required for survival. Holding onto judgement starves us of joy. That’s what we want to aim to let go of. Judgements held against yourself and others.

 

Practice releasing comparison as much and as often as you can.

It can take time to create new thought patterns and let go of ingrained habits, so be consistent but gentle in this process. We are really only ever in compassion with the greatest version of ourselves. 

 

This leads me to open up about the difference between ‘fitting in’ and ‘belonging’

It was Brene Brown's book "Daring Greatly" that really got me thinking about this.

It is HUGE isn't it!? 

Fitting in requires selected adaptation to adhere to and conform to the conditions of a group.

Be it a family group, friendship group, work group etc.

Yet belonging is entirely different. To feel a sense of belonging is to feel deeply connected to a group and accepted just as you are.

In fact because of the way you are. Now that's wholehearted connection.It's important to a joyful life experience that we seek these types of connections. Human beings crave at a very deep level this profound sense of belonging. We need to feel we belong to something, it’s part of our human make up. We unfortunately often mistake belonging as fitting in.  Which is in fact a barrier to belonging. Striving to fit in will block your authenticity, will ingrain a message internally that you're not enough as you are.

 

It's easy to lose who you are whilst adapting to fit in. Losing you, will make true belonging very difficult because it's only when we are presenting and standing in our true light can we belong and connect to anything or anyone in a genuine and healing way.

Think of it this way, you are doing a potential connection, friend, lover, colleague a disservice if you aren’t giving them the opportunity to meet you.

Real you.

When we can stand within our own light and embrace authenticity, then we awaken a path to truly loving and accepting who we are!

 

I hope you see the light within you.

I hope you get to know it and love it and live the life you deserve.  

 

 

Gemma lives in Essex with her husband and young Son. Most happy amongst the trees or dancing and laughing her way through life exploring the depths of her soul. 

A therapist for well-being and emotional balance; working with CBT, EFT and Reiki.
Having started with one to one well-being therapies 10 years ago, Gemma works with clients to find balance&release trauma or emotional blocks and patterns that no longer serve them,

working with a variety of  mental/emotional issues.

A Reiki master and teacher, Gemma has been attuning people to the energy of Reiki since 2016 and has been hosting well-being events on a  regular basis, including talks in Essex and London to support, promote and facilitate authenticity, holistic well-being practices for the everyday

and emotional health on a larger scale.

Most recently...Gemma is plugging away at her first book, a stepped system to emotional balance based on her years of therapeutic experience and personal development,

that she insists is of course still ongoing. 

 

   

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